Who am I, Where am I, What is this Place? And when can I start screaming? (c)

Front cover ideaJPGThis is the title of the book I am writing that has taken its first step towards publication by interesting a publisher.  I thought for those interested it might be helpful to give you an idea of what the book is about and what it will cover.

The premise of the book is that we are born, raised and then let loose on the world.  Once we are free to do as we please we discover that far from being a completely created adult we have a lot to learn.  At the age of 18 that’s pretty much ok, but as you move through your life it becomes less ok that you have very little idea of who you are.

For some, being a clone of their parents and a mish-mash of everything their teachers and peers have taught them is great, for others there is a sense that there is more to life than this but they have no idea what the more is.

They have followed a similar path to their parents (birth, walking and talking, school, college, university, work, parties, partners, flat, house, children, holidays, retirement) but somehow that path doesn’t suit them and they don’t know why.

They are the same character as their family and yet people don’t respond well to them and they keep getting hurt.  They meet ‘the one’ only to have the relationship implode a few months later, and land up hurt (again) with no idea why this wretched pattern keeps repeating itself.

They feel lost a lot of the time, hopeless some of the time, bored almost all the time, and ready to scream…only they don’t know what about.

SOMETHING is wrong.   SOMETHING needs to change.  They don’t know what it is or how to change whatever it is.  They want to reach out to SOMEONE to help them, but don’t know who to contact or what questions to ask.  They’re not in need of counselling or coaching, or medical intervention, nothing bad is really happening and even if it is it’s just life isn’t it?

They may have even investigated the Spiritual field but found nothing there that would answer that fundamental question “Who am I?”.  Or the BIG question “What on earth is wrong with me that I can’t feel happy where I am?”  They may have tried studying psychic work, Mediumship or the Tarot, or on the other hand not be interested in any of that ‘stuff’ at all, but still need help. c

This is where this book comes in.  When I started on this path I had no idea that the Spiritual field existed.  I had heard of Doris Stokes, read her books, seen her Demonstrate.  I had also been taken to see a local Medium demonstrate.  Both were very good and it was extremely interesting, but it had nothing whatsoever to do with my life.  It was just a rather original form of entertainment and some very interesting books, but none of it answered the question of why I was so lost.

That was my big question.  I had spent my entire life trying to be a good person, not always succeeding in my own mind and absolutely definitely NEVER succeeding in the minds of others.  I was a very weak person at one time and got roundly condemned for that, then I started working on myself, grew stronger, started to stand up for myself and was wrong again.

I married the wrong man and was called a fool for staying, I divorced that man and was dumped by everyone I knew because I’d left him and he was upset.  Even people at work who saw every day the way he treated me and had given me several ‘talking to’s’ sided with him.

I met my current husband at a nightclub 6 weeks later and nearly everyone who I thought knew me thought I’d had an affair!  I simply couldn’t believe it.  What should have been the happiest time in my life having found a man who to this very day loves me, likes me, supports me above and beyond the call of duty, and treats me with respect, became my worst nightmare of loneliness and desperation.  The actions of those around me tainted the happy first months that Tony and I were together, and at the time I could only conclude that in the eyes of others it was great for me to be miserable, I was stupid to be completely miserable, but when I risked literally everything to change that I was still wrong.

My marriage had been a living hell and I will admit that just for a few moments I considered suicide, so I went straight to the doctors and she said “You have three choices, suicide but you won’t do that because you love life too much; staying with him, but you can’t do that because you will lose your sanity; building up your inner strength and leaving him, which you will do because that’s who you are.”  Fortunately she didn’t give me tablets for depression she offered me her unstinting help and support and kept her word.

I went home and called my friend Keith who was a Hypnotherapist, and asked him if hypnotherapy could help me as my mind was so confused.  It felt like several balls of wall that had been played with by kittens!  I just could not think.

Keith came round the next night and that visit changed my life, because Keith told me that I wasn’t me!  I was the victim of centuries of family programming that had filtered down from parent to child over the generations but that programming had finally reached a person who couldn’t live it!

He told me that I was probably about 10,000 years old, had lived many lifetimes and built up a store of my own wisdom that I could start to access again if I would change my attitude towards life and let go of beliefs that didn’t resonate with me.

I had no idea what I thought of the things he was saying, they were things I’d never encountered before and as foreign as Greek.  Yet something inside me said “this is real” and I felt as if a million tonnes of shackles had dropped away and I was finally free.  I felt like a new-born with no idea who I was – but strangely that felt wonderful!

Over the intervening 33 years from that night to this moment, I have studied books, with people, and with my Spirit Guides and learned how to completely change my character, my thoughts, my words, my deeds, and my inner self.  It’s been a long hard road but every day I have felt a bit better, and it is the most worthwhile journey I have ever undertaken.

I cannot tell you all the changes that have happened to me because it would make this blog into a book in itself, but I can tell you one thing.  The ideas that Keith put to me are real, they work, they belong in everyday life, you have no need to believe in the existence of Spirit if you don’t want to, as long as you are ready to manifest a part of yourself that wants to be happy, successful and kind, you can work with these ideas.

I will be writing from a Spiritual viewpoint, but for me that translates to life viewpoint.  Yes I am a Medium and yes I have something I had never heard of when I met the first one – a Spirit Guide.  However, he’s as down-to-earth as anyone you will meet here and his advice is always gentle, strong, kind and practical.  So if you’re looking for fluffy bunnies in my book you won’t find any.  You will find the great, honest, simple, workable advice that changed my mind, my thoughts, my personality and my life into something wonderful and fun, fun, fun!  Most of them time.  It belongs in and works in the real world, now.

Yes bad times have affected me, but with the help of these beliefs those times have been manageable, and the bad memories have faded to leave only the good ones.

However, at the end of the day you need only know one thing about this book, I learned the hard way and I’ve written it to help you change the easy way.  It’s roots are in unconditional love, it’s reason is that you the reader may have been hurt and feel that no one cares but I wrote this book because I do care.  I really do.

Whoever you are you are important to me, your happiness matters, you are a valuable human being, and if you’re unhappy you’re in the wrong place with the wrong people doing the wrong thing, and I want to be your Guide out of that space and into the light.

That’s all you really need to know – I am the SOMEONE who wants to help you and cares, and this book is the SOMETHING that will help.


Deb Hawken
Personal Change Manager

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