It’s been a long time since I visited this blog, and if anyone suggests that I forgot I will take immediate offence as only a Rockin’ 50 can – like a two-year-old with 48 years experience.
It should be clear that a Rockin’ 50 never forgets anything, they merely suffer from lack of interest, enthusiasm, or both. The other thing you need to watch out for is people suggesting that you didn’t hear. Regardless of whether this is true, you must respond to that heinous accusation with the greatest possible indignation and condemnation, nothing else will do. And do not fall into the trap of suggesting that other people mutter, the only possible reason for failing to hear is that you were thinking deep thoughts of momentous importance at the time and your mind was on greater things.
The young will try these ageing tactics on you, and there is no need to fall foul of them, but you must defend yourself like a ninja, okay a ninja with a few more aches and pains than the younger generation tend to have but a ninja nonetheless. And remember, you can make up in guile and resourcefulness (cheating) for any physical deficiencies, but never, ever, and I cannot stress this strongly enough, put any ache or pain down to anything but hard living, partying, and extreme sports. That or your time in MI6 or the CIA, neither of which you can talk about obviously.
The defence to accusations of hearing issues is simple and effective, when next in a room with the younger generation move your mouth as if speaking but make no noise, then leave. That will cause a certain amount of confusion amongst the young, which is our best weapon. It’s very difficult to smack someone when you can’t remember where your spectacles are and could easily land up hitting a wall. This does not look good and is, quite frankly, ageing. However, causing confusion has long-term positive effects because it makes them scared to question you.
More nefarious shenanigans tomorrow.