Beetles are Creepy Crawlies!

50s RockinIf you want to retain your aura of youthfulness NEVER put the word ‘the’ in front of Beatles, NEVER capitalise Beatles, and claim never to have heard of any musical groups prior to Take That, who are still going and therefore hip and happening.

Your musical tastes are a terrible give away on the wrinkly scale and you have to have a comeback should you slip and admit that you remember Elvis Presley when he was still thrusting and grinding.  Firstly, your parents raised you on the music.  Secondly, you only mentioned Elvis because you were at a recent tribute show in the company of other 30-somethings.

Other pitfalls to be avoided are your dance style.  You DO NOT do Rock ‘n Roll you do Salsa, the Lindy Hop is what you do when a Linda drives over your foot in her car, the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy from Company B is something you first danced to after you saw Torvill and Dean on their TV Show!  Never slip up and admit that you remember Sarajevo even if the hairs on the back of your neck stand up every time you hear the Bolero.

Music and dance are a minefield for us Goldies (I think it’s better for our credibility if I link Golden and Oldies into Goldies) and we need to avoid talking about both until such times as we’re clued up to whose twerking and tweeting on the musical scale these days.

There is of course one very good way to make sure that we are staying hip and happening and that hip injuries are not happening, and that’s to make sure that we stay modern, relevant and clued up to all the new things that life has to offer.

In order to stay young at heart and inspired of ears and twinkle toes, we need to step outside the box we created at the age of 16 and train our ears to newer sounds.  Thankfully Collabro won Britain’s Got Talent so at the moment we can be bang on relevant and understand a word that’s being sung.  However, it will be necessary to study the more youthful music and dance providers in great detail in order to remain youthful and relevant musically speaking and avoid doing our version of the birdie dance on the dance floor.  From now on we Twerk with the best of them even if we do put our backs out!

Get out there, explore all that’s new in entertainment, refuse to get stuck in a rut, and remember that a little dancing goes a long way towards fitness.  It’s that or the gym!  Shake that baggy butt and remember that there should be a perky dividing line between your thighs and your butt and one twerk shouldn’t leave your derriere jiggling for 10 more minutes while you chuck down a beer and remember how to breathe.

The other thing to avoid is mentioning 1950’s movie stars unless they’ve just died or remarried.  I cannot stress this strongly enough, but you remember no one younger than Tom Cruise, which is pushing it a bit as he’s a Rockin’ 50 but as an unknowing honorary member of this club it wouldn’t be fair to dismiss him.  Plus we should all be able to run like he can at this age without getting a hernia.  Yes Tom Cruise is okay because he’s inspirationally fit and can still pull women whose boobs point north.

So the message is, pick your film and TV stars with care and make sure that they’re inspirationally fit and youthful.  Worshipping any star over the age of 50 who isn’t inspirationally fit and youthful is a betrayal of the code punishable by being shut in a room for 24 hours having to watch the One Direction film over and over again.  You see, even my punishments are hip, happening and bang on trend.

Although I would never normally recommend Botox, if you do find it difficult to upgrade your music collection without breaking into a violent frown and screaming “my ears my ears!” Botox will help.  It will numb your features sufficiently for you to look unmoved and contemplative whilst listening to the hip happening music.

You can also avoid screaming by listening to the music for a couple of days before you attempt that feat in public, by this time you will have screamed so loudly and often that you won’t have a functioning voice available for another two or three days.  That or you could try abseiling off a cliff, that’s a pretty good scream if ever there was one.

It’s worth noting that you can really drive your teenage children crazy by keeping up with the latest musical trends and attending their concerts with them.  You can make up for so much stress by dressing like a 17 year old, storming the stage, snogging One Direction and giving them a shout out as you’re dragged away by several burly security guards.  The look on their faces will be well worth the night in prison and 200 hours community service.  Plus if you grab a handful of Harry Styles’ hair you can sell it on Ebay for a frickin’ fortune.

So the message is, upgrade your musical tastes, keep up-to-date with the latest films and TV programmes, develop a crush on Benedict Cumberbatch (which means you’ll still be able to watch Sherlock Holmes) and you’re pretty much able to side step the minefield  of media oldism and sound at least two decades younger than you really are.  You might even start feeling it rather than channeling out-of-touch grumpy-ism every time someone puts on anything made before 1978.

Today’s helpful advice:  If you do find it difficult to listen to modern music ear plugs are available at any reputable high street chemist, but hide them well otherwise you’re going to have to pretend they’re hearing aids and that is very ageing.

(Mental note:  Find out the name of another modern group and/or a second name of a member of One Direction)


The Rise of the Rockin’ 50s

The Rise of the Rockin’ 50s

** If you’re a member of my Google blog you will have read this before, however, I thought I’d trial it here and see which one gets the more hits and then I may move the blog to my WordPress site.


Welcome to my new blog inspired by a discovery made on my latest self-improvement and information gathering course.  I like information because you never know what you don’t know; all the processing keeps the mind young; and as long as you’re still curious you know you haven’t become ‘the older generation’.

I recently decided that now I’ve nearly finished my first book I would kick my public speaking work back into gear, so where better to start than on a professional course run by a professional company who count among their members some pretty sassy, original and 7 figure inspirational speakers  – and me!  I decided it was about time to overcome my isolationalism (otherwise known as authoring) and join something new.

The first thing they said was “pick a target audience”.  “I am NOT going to be pigeonholed” I thought “I am a GEMINI, we are FLEXIBLE.  I am highly trained in a number of very important disciplines and I can pick INSPIRATION out of THIN AIR SO THERE!”

I find the entire idea of a pigeonhole deeply annoying because each client is individual and deserves to be treated that way, after all I’m a life coach not a teacher forced to deliver a government inspired curriculum for the terminally similar who are of course nothing at all alike and every teacher knows that.

I’ve trained in several different disciplines across a broad range of thought practices just so I could have a toolbox full of methods to help all these wonderful individuals that I’m going to save from a fate worse than death (or accountancy).

I believe in inspiration and flexibility (as long as I don’t have to wrap my feet round my head during yoga), and this super-successful person who has it all and knows how I can get it wants to put me into a pigeonhole and won’t even give me a pigeon!  That’s just cruel!

However, he asked us to think about what really matters to us and I realised that what gets up my nose is the attitude to age not just from the media but inside our own heads.  For some reason ageing can bring fear and a feeling of life having passed you by and I wanted to encourage people to stay active and embrace new challenges until they’re at least 90.

We live in a culture where doctors, television programmes, newspapers and magazines are only too delighted to tell you the many different ways your life’s in danger;  where women are thrown off TV when they get a frown line, and a D-Day Veteran who had to escape his nursing home in order to attend the D-Day ceremonies is described in the papers as a ‘game old boy’ rather than a still strong man with Dunkirk determination.

When we were asked to stand up and in a few short words explain who our target market was I found myself saying “I’m 57 and I want to inspire people to be youthful until they’re 90!”  And I realised that’s true.

So now I had a pigeon hole with one sentence in it, but still no pigeon and I like pets.  Mind you, I wouldn’t mind a kitten in my pigeonhole, but that’s another story and likely the ramblings of an older mind.  However, I’m nothing if not resourceful, so this blog will be appropriate to:

  •        Anyone in their 40s
  •        Anyone older
  •        Anyone younger

Why am I including the youngsters in my Rockin’ 50’s Super Club?  Because only us Golden Oldies are truly able to teach them how often you can muck up before you’re 50 and how to avoid those snafus, bug-a-boos, rolls of fat and creaking joints.

However, inspiring the Rockin’ 50’s to live, rebel and rock this life will be my primary focus and believe me as well as creating some of that truly best medicine, laughter, I am going to be seeking information and inspiration to help us all live a more active and joyful life.

We can’t give up and sit on sofas watching questionable TV until we’re too stiff to move when there’s a life out there, mountains to climb and chaos to cause.  We just can’t because it’s our life and it needs LIVING not surviving.

Plus we have a duty to show the younger generation how to age well.  Both my Grandmothers reached a ripe old age – 87 1/2 and 98 1/2 respectively – and they’re my greatest inspiration.  They didn’t give up on life, they kept their interest in what was going on around them, and no one told them what to do – and if they did they didn’t do it.

Grandmother 87 1/2 once went on a day trip by coach with the other residents from her nursing home.  7.30 pm came and went and no coach load of wrinklies appeared back at the nursing home.  8.00 pm, 9.00 pm and 10.00 pm passed and they were practically ready to call the police, just as my grandmother brought back a coach load of drunken pensions post pub crawl.  She’d bribed the coach driver to stop at a few pubs on the way home.  I want to be worse than her!

If you love your family then it’s your duty to show them how to age well, to encourage them to keep their bodies moving and their minds alive, and to be curious about life and ready to learn new things.  If you get stuck in a rut they probably will.  If you stop learning they might think they know it all.  If you stop living they could very well spend their 60s, 70s and 80s talking about their 30s and 40s.  If you reject new inventions they may do the same.  No, our job is to age well retaining lively minds, good memories and a passion for life.

I was once part of a team that discovered two very good Tarot Readers, one was 76 and the other 79.  The female said to us that each week she attended a coffee morning with a group of friends and it was the turn of one each week to introduce the others to something new.  It was her turn the following week and boy was she looking forward to it.  The retired Brigadier was going round the table reading everyone’s cards for them and blowing minds right, left and centre including his own.  He was fascinated and it was a wonderful experience; one of those that makes you feel you’re blessed rather than working.

So this is my new blog, my new venture and my new focus, and hopefully this is the one straightforward blog you’re going to read, I’m after giggles and gut bellowing laughter from now on.

If you feel that you’ve gone wrong and there’s no getting back then give me a call because there is no way back but there’s always a way forwards.  There is always a way to change your life no matter how old you are and no matter how deeply you’ve shovelled yourself into a rut.

If you’ve recently retired or have that ending looming on your horizon and have no idea what to do with the rest of your life other than veg in a chair or finally catch up with the list of household tasks that have needed doing since 1962, let me know and we will find you a distraction that will keep your mind alive, your heart beating to the tune of an enthusiastic drummer, and your thoughts off ball cocks!

Until the next blog

Rebel properly, walk on the wild side, and if you wear 6″ heels insure your ankles.

(Next:  The Credit Card Number!)